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Time Lines - Future News That Gives You Fits by
Rich Haber

By Rich Haber,


I received by email, from “ANSWER Coalition, LA Chapter, Act Now to Stop War and End Racism,” this lovely, completely impartial invitation:

Feb. 2010 - Come out to protest Michael Oren, the criminal state of Israel’s U.S. ambassador who is speaking at University of California, San Diego. Israeli representatives coming to California are on a "public relations" mission to counteract the Goldstone report, which accuses Israel of committing massive war crimes against Palestinian civilians.

Oren was born in New York, raised in New Jersey, but chose to leave the U.S. in 1979 to become a citizen of the apartheid, Zionist state of Israel. He lived on an illegal settlement built on stolen Palestinian land. He served in the criminal Israeli "Defense" Forces and was the Media Relations Officer during the genocidal assault against the besieged Gaza Strip in 2008-09.


Here are my follow-up TimeLines EXCLUSIVE INVESTIGATIONS:

1) Lomotil Loosbowle for Royters Hotwire – Tel Aviv, Israel – March 4th, 2012

Israel’s Knesset voted unanimously yesterday to relocate the country to a secret parcel of land purchased from Egypt, rumored to be twice the size of Israel/Palestine. Egypt’s Minister of Agriculture and Land Reclamation, Mr. Amin Ahmed Abaza, in a statement to Prime Minister Dr. Ahmed Nazif, declared, “Israel must have been desperate to buy a piece of land so far out in the desert that even wild camels don’t inhabit it.”

Sources close to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, President Shimon Peres and Knesset Speaker Reuven Rivlin have revealed the parcel of land to be in the Northern Sinai Desert, known for its diverse landscapes and severe aridity. When questioned further by this reporter, the above-mentioned sources neither denied nor affirmed the existence of underground aquifers, supposedly known only to Kabbalist rabbis within the super-orthodox Chassidic community in North Miami Beach, USA.


2) NYTomes Online, Foreign Affairs, September 18th, 2012

A team of geologists from City College, CUNY, arrived last week in Aleh Aqbar Caduz, a small Bedouin community in Northern Sinai, Egypt. The team was gathered and funded by B'rith Shalom, a secret fraternal order founded in Philadelphia, believed to have been dissolved by Israel’s Chief Rabbi Yitzhak HaLevi Herzog in 1948, shortly after the War of Independence.

The NY geologists were to determine the validity of claims by surrounding tribes that an underground lake the size of Rhode Island had been discovered in Rosh Israel, or New Israel. Two days ago, Team leader Ravi Bonitez, a post-grad student minoring in Art History, sent the Tomes editor an email, detailing what he described as “...the biggest fuckin’ fountain I’ve ever seen,” in the heart of New Israel’s capital city of Yerushalayam.

Team member Cindrelle Schwarma also commented on the fountain: “The water is scented with esrog, a type of fragrant lime or citron. I’ve asked many of the people here how that is. So far the only response I’ve gotten, besides ‘I don’t know,’ was from Esther Pashtun, a Palestinian Jewish rabbinical student. She said, ‘The waters of Lake Makhiah [“pleasure”] have been blessed by Hashem Herself.’”


3) NEW CAIRO, EGYPT – Oct. 5, 2012 – (UB Newsserv) Speaking from a podium in the grand study hall in al-Azhar University, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak responded to what he called “ridiculous rumors” of an underground lake in the Northern Sinai desert. “Should there actually be one, it would belong to Egypt anyway. We may have sold the land but not the water under it.” Some one thousand students attending the speech immediately jumped to their feet and applauded.


4) (APU Press Release) New New York – Nov. 26, 2012 – Secretary Hillary Clinton officially declared President Obama’s intention to meet with Former Egyptian Foreign Minister Amr Moussa, the current Secretary General of the Arab League. The President and Mrs. Clinton will be flying to New Cairo to discuss the events of three weeks ago, when two Egyptian F-86 Sabre fighter jets attempted to fire upon known military targets within New Israel.

The incident was captured in a video posted last week on by Ms. Nawal El Saadawi, a well-known writer, doctor and antiwar feminist. The feisty 80-year old claims she obtained the video directly from one of the F-86 pilots, whose superior officer is a personal friend of the family. The YuTube video was removed by the website two days later but by then, it had gone viral, with unknown thousands of copies being uploaded everywhere.

The video was taken by pilot Sgt. Yezra Al Fozbikram, through the front windows of his Sabre jet, showing quite clearly the missiles fired toward ground targets, from 1,000 meters altitude. The missiles and their white tracer trails are clearly seen, leaving no other explanation possible except that the rockets rebounded off a transparent shield; Sgt. Fozbikram called it “a force-field” in the video.

“The Mitsubishi Type 93 ASM missiles are impact-activated. Why they didn’t explode until after rebounding is inexplicable,” said Fozbikram.

5) TimeLines Exclusive, January 23, 2013 - Havpast Kowzaaz, New Yerushalaim

Sources close to The Holy SeeMe revealed a secret interview with Ya Wey, Heaven's Ambassador to the United Nations. Timelines reporter Mauricio Nozibahdi spoke with the sources and obtained the transcript of that interview. The identity of the interviewer was not released but after consultation with sources close to the sources, Nozibahdi is certain the interviewer was his cousin Uhpuraz.

INTERVIEWER: Is it true you had something to do with the failure of Egyptian jets to penetrate the force field surrounding New Israel?

MR. YA WEY: Whoa! Now hold on there, son. Who told you it's a force field?

INTERVIEWER: That's what everyone is calling it, uh, Dad.

MR. YA WEY: Well it isn't, and I had nothing to do with Egypt's failure. In fact, I NEVER have anything to do with failure. If I do it, it's a success, no matter what it is.

INTERVIEWER: If it isn't a force field, what is it?

MR. YA WEY: How the hell should I know? You'll have to ask my R&D people.

INTERVIEWER: Are there plans for more of these protected cities?

MR. YA WEY: I'm gettin' tired of your assumptions here, son. New Israel isn't a "protected city."

INTERVIEWER: Sir, with all due respect, the New Israelis... the Newiez are surrounded by an impenetrable something, substance or force, whatever it is... isn't that the world's strongest protection?

MR. YA WEY: Exactly. Now you've got it right.


MR. YA WEY: The world now has the strongest protection. From the Newiez, as you've taken to calling My People... affectionately, no doubt.

INTERVIEWER: No doubt. But what if the... um, what if Your People figure out a way to send missiles out, while maintaining the imperviousness coming in?

MR. YA WEY: I expect nothing less. Perhaps New Israel’s neighbors will learn to stop attacking them. It’s a long shot but miracles do happen.



Rich HaberNative of Brooklyn, Rich Haber went native in Reno, Nevada and now pronounces the 'a' in Nevada as in 'hat'. An avid screen- and short story- writer, Rich also wrote PCychoSpace, A Cyber Opera, hardcopy available by email request, 'PCycho' in the subj. box, His favorite color is puce and favorite food is puce-colored matzah-bry.


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